Closing the Day with Scent — A Small Evening Ritual by the Window

By Columnist Kim Mi-hee

A caregiver’s day has no “clocking out”

Offices have quitting time and shops have closing time, but caring for family has no set end. Even after our parents fall asleep, our ears react first to a single cough, and the phone always stays within reach. Our bodies may be resting, but part of our minds stays ready to get up at any moment. With that tension switched on, one day runs straight into the next, so it’s no wonder there are more and more days when no amount of sleep leaves us feeling rested.

This scene may feel familiar. You finally crawl under the covers, then wonder, “Did I give the evening medicine?” and get up again to check the pill case. Lying down, you go over tomorrow’s breakfast side dishes, next week’s checkup appointment and the messages you need to send your siblings. Before long, you fall asleep feeling that the day didn’t so much end as simply cut off.

That is why caregivers need to create an ending to the day for themselves. No one else will tell us, “You can rest now,” so we have to send ourselves that signal. That’s also why I use the somewhat grand word “ritual.” One small act, done at the same time and in the same order every day, can stand in for the words “That’s enough for today.”

Why scent, of all things?

Scent is a sense that needs no explanation. Most of us have had the experience of catching a smell and feeling our mood shift before any thought forms. The smell of earth after rain brings back the alleys of childhood, and the scent of the face powder our mothers used can suddenly stir something in the heart. Because scent reaches the heart before the mind has a chance to weigh things, it works well as a signal for wrapping up a complicated day.

When I was caring for my own parents, I didn’t know how to close my days either. Working as an aromatherapist, I recommended scents to others, yet on many days I couldn’t find the room to offer myself even a single drop of oil. So I started again with something simple: breathing in the same scent once every evening. I didn’t expect any dramatic change, but I began to notice that when that scent appeared, my shoulders dropped a little and I thought, “Ah, now it’s my time.”

When choosing a scent, it’s fine to set aside claims about what it’s supposedly good for. What matters is that it feels comfortable to your nose and softens your face a little when you breathe it in. Some people are suited to gentle floral scents like lavender, while others find fresh fruit scents like orange, or woody scents, more comfortable. If you choose one and use the same scent every evening, the scent itself can settle into place like a promise that closes the day.

A window, a small light and a bottle of oil

A ritual doesn’t require decorating a special space or bringing in lots of things. In fact, the simpler it is, the longer you can keep it up. The key is “the same place, in the same order, every time.” Once your body remembers that order, your mind will slip into that time on its own, without any effort.

Picture a window in the evening. When you turn off the big living room light and leave just one small light by the window, even the sounds in the room seem to grow quieter. Watching dusk settle outside, you feel the busy day recede a little into the distance. Simply setting your usual bottle of oil beside it turns that spot into “a place for me.”

You might try it this way. First, choose a spot to sit by the window and light a candle or a soft lamp. Put one or two drops of oil on a handkerchief or cotton pad, hold it close to your chest and slowly take three breaths. If you use a candle, be sure to put it out when you step away, and if fire is a concern in your home, a candle-shaped electric light works just as well.

Three sentences to offer yourself while breathing in the scent

When caregivers look back on the day, we usually start by counting what we failed to do. I raised my voice again today, I couldn’t take them for a walk, the side dishes were skimpy. When the end of the day fills up with self-blame, we carry that weight straight into tomorrow. The time spent breathing in a scent can become a chance to change that arithmetic for a while.

Think of an evening when you snapped at your parents for no real reason, then went into your room and sat alone with a heavy heart. On days like that, the thought “Why can’t I do any better than this?” comes easily. But if you look at that day again a little more closely, there was clearly a you who set the breakfast table, kept track of the medicine and steadied an unsteady body. We need to restore our own balance so that one regrettable moment doesn’t cover the whole day.

So I suggest bringing just three sentences to mind as you breathe in the scent. The first is “one thing I accomplished today,” the second is “one moment I was grateful for today,” and the third is “a word for tomorrow’s me.” You can say them out loud or write them one line at a time in a small notebook. As these three sentences pile up, you may find that the day you look back on gradually takes on a different face.

From a ritual of my own to an evening shared

I hope you’ll begin with time just for yourself. A caregiver needs to be able to catch their own breath first before any ease can reach the person beside them. Once your ritual becomes a bit more familiar, you might sometimes share that time with your parents. Scent can quietly build a bridge in a relationship where words have grown few.

You’ve probably had evenings sitting side by side with your parents, unable to find anything to say, with only the sound of the television filling the room. At times like that, if you hand them a handkerchief with a drop of oil on it and ask, “How do you like this smell?”, unexpected stories may come pouring out. A tangerine scent might bring out stories of the warm floor in winters long ago, and a woody scent stories of the hills behind their hometown. This time spent recalling memories together through scent can be a welcome form of cognitive stimulation and a warm conversation, for our parents and for me alike.

Going a step further, you can mix a tiny amount of oil into unscented lotion and slowly stroke the backs of your parents’ hands. Rather than expecting any particular effect, simply make holding hands and sharing warmth the goal. Older adults’ skin can be thin and sensitive, so first apply it to a small area on the back of the hand, and stop right away if they seem uncomfortable. If they say they don’t like the scent, not pressing it on them is also an important promise of a shared ritual.

For more heart-care stories, visit the Korea Self-Healing Association.

#WIAssaemMindCareSignals #KimMiheeColumn #KoreanTodayIncheonSouth #EndingTheDay #EveningRitual #RestingWithScent #SelfCare #TheCaregiversHeart

[ Reporter Kim Mi-hee: incheonsouth@thekoreantoday.com ]

Become a Local Ambassador Apply as Branch Director The Korean Today — Nam-Incheon

THE KOREAN TODAY × WIA CODE

이 기사의 WIA Code

WIA Code 스캐너로 비추면 인터넷 없이 발행 사실과 위·변조 여부를 확인할 수 있습니다.
휴대폰 기본 카메라로 찍으면 스캐너 안내 페이지가 열립니다 — 기사 바로 열기

📱 스트림 코드 보기

움직이는 코드(스트림) 한 장에 기사 전문(사진 포함)이 담겨 있습니다 — WIA Code 스캐너로 약 37초 비추면 폰에 저장되어 인터넷 없이도 읽을 수 있습니다. Stream.mp4 도 여기서 받습니다.

WIA Code · 코리안투데이